How W Picks his appointees. A Comedy in three acts.

Act 1 – A joke.
W=W
C=Dick Cheney
W:Hey Dick, wanna see something cool?
C: Does it involve a shotgun?
W: No, but I like the way you think.
C:Thank you Mr. President (he..he).
W:Do you Remember Harriet Moyers? That skirt that use to hang around the Texas State Capitol building?
C: Do you mean Harriet Miers, your General Council?
W: Is that what she was? I thought she was helping Laura pick out curtains. Anyway, somebody nudged me this morning and said someone on the Supreme Court is quitting..
C: Yes, Justice O’Connor.
W:Whatever his name is..
C:Her.
W:What?
C:What ever her name is.
W:I thought you said it was O’Conner? Anyway, what if, just for a joke, I nominate this Moyers girl?
C:Miers?
W:Yeah, Miers, whatever. So I nominate her, and then we sit back and watch. It’ll be a hoot!
C:Um…Ok? (to himself:)Maybe I can figure out something cooler to do with this shotgun…
Act II – Oblivious
W=W
I=Intern
W:Hey you, intern, do you know how to use this thing (indicates computer)?
I: Yes sir, Mr. President.
W:Call me W.
I: Yes Mr. President.
W: Dick tells me that I’ve got to nominate a new U.N. ambassador. Can you punch ‘U.N.’ into the Google and find out who it should be?
I:uh…Yes Mr. President.
(typing)
I:Lets see, United Nations….United Nations…7-up, the UN-Cola….
W:I’m a Sprite man myself. Scotch and Sprite.
I:Yes sir.
W:This isn’t working. Let’s try ‘U.N.’ and ‘Walrus’. I like walruses.
I:Yes sir (sigh).
(more typing)
W:Stop – What’s that name that keeps popping up? Bolton?
I:Oh, there. Yes Sir. John Bolton
W: I like him. (singing:)That’s what love is all abouut…
I: Um, sir? I think that’s Michael Bol…
W:I’m gonna nominate him!
Act III – Just plain mean.
W=W
C=Dick Cheney
W:Hey Dick? How’d we do in the elections.
C:Not so well, Mr. President.
W:Does this mean I have to move out of the White House?
C:No Mr. President. Not for another two years.
W:Good. ‘Cuz I hate to move. All that packing..
C:Yes sir, Mr President. You know, there is something we could do.
W:What’s that?
C:Well, you need to nominate somebody to head the Office of Population Affairs…
W:The what?
C:The Office of Population Affairs Mr President. They determine how the federal family planning money gets distributed.
W:I like families. Except mine. They bug me.
C:Yes sir Mr President. Anyway, what if we find the worst person for the job. Somebody who opposed all forms of family planning. Somebody who doesn’t even like condoms..
W:Have you ever blown up a condom like a balloon, Dick?
C:Um…Yes sir. I guess so. But that’s not the point of…
W:’Cuz Laura and I have a whole box of them, and every once in a while I’ll just blow one up and bounce it around the room.
C:Yes sir (sigh). Eric Keroack.
W:I tried to read his book, but it didn’t rhyme or have pictures.
C:Wha…? Oh, no sir, Mr President. That’s Jack Kerouac. I’m talking about Eric Keroack, head of ‘A Woman’s Concern’, a Christian conservative anti-abortion group.
W:So…let me get this straight… a dude runs ‘A Woman’s Concern’? hehe.
C:(a heavier sigh)yes Sir. A ‘dude’ does. And he’s the worst guy for the job. Just like Bolton, and Just like Miers.
W:Who?
C:(sigh again)Moyers…
W:Oh her. What ever happened to her?
C: Just sign here, Mr President. Then we can get some Ice Cream.

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